Boullie transitioned on 12/9/2010 and wanted to say this:

                                       Letter from Boullie.......'Trust Love'

I'll just get right to it. The most important thing is to 'Trust Love'. The Love, with a capital 'L' and not the small 'l'. When mom was walking and listening to what I wanted to share with her and all of you, she was focusing on my body being gone and wondered what I meant with this 'Trust Love'. I wanted everyone to know that Love is absolutely everywhere,  everything, and everyone. Even more than the air or breathing because that is in form. There can be a vacuum created without air and yet Love is in that space. Just imagine it can never 'not' be present in you or around you. Pause a moment and contemplate the bliss and safety that comes with knowing that. Love permeates all.

Love is more than an emotion or a memory/experience of any person, pet, place or thing. Forms and experiences may be 'keys' to help you become aware of Love and that's what I was for mom and mom was for me. We are grateful for our keys!  Love is not easily put into words because it is not form yet is reflected in form. It is more like a vibration. Love with the small 'l' is an action or emotion you can choose that reflects Love with the big 'L'. Yet it is a reflection like the image in the mirror. The magic of Love is that it takes many forms in that mirror since it is essence and therefore not limited to form.

Doubt is the opposite of Trust. I played with the letters and showed her the words, 'do' and 'but'. An indicator of doubt is when you hear yourself say: BUT what do I have to DO? Know that you do not have to DO anything. Love IS - just BE. Trust Love and you will laugh, be open, vulnerable, and life will flow with ease.  L-O-V-E.  You can be open and vulnerable when you Trust Love. Allowing a joy and playfulness that does not come from doing or surviving. That doesn't mean don't DO anything! It actually embraces doing everything with the awareness of Love making it blissful. Even every simple thing becomes an experience of bliss and joy not to be confused with happiness or easiness. The 'ease' is not about easy or hard and IS about flow. Moving, evolving, and vibrant. There is no judgement or conditions in Love so when you doubt, you might lovingly say to yourself, "Oh, there I go again", and move back into Trust.

O.K. that's the gist of it. You were all keys for me and I appreciate each and every one of you. We all have had our special little moments.

In Love always, Boullie

Some pics mom wanted to put on here and a little story:

Little story of Boullie's transition: A moment after Boullie transitioned, all the dogs in a 360 radius howled for a minute or so. Pretty amazing for an amazing spirit. We were blessed to have him.


                              SOME FIRST PICS - WAS I CUTE OR WHAT!!!!!!

 

 Last night and day-still peaceful 

          

 Here's my head to pet virtually as I humbly say, "Love to you"

'BOULLIE'   12/?/1995 - 12/9/2010

Words from Enzo.............and Boullie

Enzo is a wise dog:

Enzo is the dog who tells the story of his life and knows his next lifetime will be as a human. He longs to talk so he can communicate his wisdom. He is already ten years old when he was hit by a car and on the drive to the vet,Denny, his owner, is very concerned.  Enzo thinks about a young champion race car driver who died at 34 years of age and every one considered it to be an 'untimely death' but Enzo thinks to himself:  

"I know the truth and I will tell you. He died that day because his body had served it's purpose. His soul had done what it came to do, learned what it came to learn and then was free to leave. I know that if I had already accomplished what I had set out to accomplish here on earth, if I had already learned what I was meant to learn, I would have left the curb one second later than I had and I would have been killed instantly by that car. But I was not killed because I was not finished, I still had work to do."

Even though it is a challenging time to read this book while Boullie is at the end of his days,  it is also a comfort. This passage had me in tears of grace this morning contemplating Boullie's life. I have watched how he inspires people to remember and heal some of their own grief as he would lay his head on their knee while they cried. It is especially apparent now as they watch me go through this seemingly long process. I have heard of everyone's time with their losses of loved family members, both humans and animals. It has been touching and Boullie says, "I'm not quite done yet Mom, still a few more souls to touch." So, a few more souls to touch with his loving and wise spirit as I continue to be grateful to have him here for a little longer.

Boullie's Buddha nature shows here.......................

That which is real never fades.

'What's Reality'        

                                                    Mary Rosas/2009

It is a windy and blustery day here in the desert. The mood of the day fits my inner experience with Boullie. He seems to walk between two worlds. Sometimes with me and then sometimes he seems to have already walked through that door and gazes into other worlds. Tears well up when I sense he won't be here to nudge me in the loving way that he does and then in the next gust I freely let him go. What a path we have walked together. Those who know us, can't imagine us without each other and at certain moments, nor can I. Yet for this day, the winds of time haven't blown the door shut and I can still reach out and touch him with a grateful heart. May we remember to rejoice with each gentle breeze and remain open through each gust knowing that all forms will pass while that which is real never fades.

     

Enlivening Our State of Being (Part 6)

This is an amazing process that Michael Brown shares. (This is the last of a series of 6 and you may want to go back to the first one.)

I sense for me it is the invitation to move from 'Doing' into 'Being' with more consciousness and consistency. The last 15 years in the desert have been quite a journey of challenges and joy. He is a master with words and playful too in bringing experience that is without words - into words. I'm grateful for this man, his journey, his openness, and his gift of sharing.

As you may know from previous blogs, Boullie (my loving dog friend) is at the last days/weeks. Amazing we have been on this journey for 15 years! Being reminded by Michael and his Presence Process, I have found the way to the beauty of not knowing what to do. Now I can 'real-eyes' with the eyes of my heart and 'BE' with Boullie during this time. I can relax knowing that I can't figure it out, I'm confused about what I 'should' do, and recognize (re-cognize) that these thoughts are all mental chatter to take me from the heartfelt experience of just being with such a dear spirit. I have to go attend to him now...........feeling all the love and sadness of this time is the magic of Life for me today.......... Whew.

'Giving Care' rather than 'Taking Care'

Pretty big calf isn't it! I guess we never get too big to want to be cared for. Truth is, when we get old enough we need to learn to find ways to care for ourselves. Some of us start much earlier than others for conditions beyond our control. When we have independent natures, we can add some anger and we have,  "I WILL take care of myself." This week in a quiet time, I was contemplating the concept of the earth being our Mother and her taking care of us. The image of a large figure made of sand that came up from the bed of a creek was coming to my mind's eye wanting to hold me. I quickly felt an inner resistance and the thought came, "I have to take care of myself".   She slowly sat down in cross legged fashion with a beautiful smile and said,  "I'm not taking care of you - I'm giving care to you and you would be wise to learn to  GIVE care to yourself rather than the way of saying that you will TAKE care of yourself. Can you feel the difference?" I pondered the idea for a minute and began to have those gentle tears of gratitude that come from seeing and experiencing things differently - "I will give care to myself".  Just saying GIVE instead of TAKE.  How gentle it sounded, how loving. Yes, I will learn to give care to myself rather than take care of myself!

What a beautiful way of caring for others too - to give care to them rather than the burden of 'taking' care of them. Once again, Boullie is still here and I am needing to give him more care at this time - what an honor and gift! May we transfer this kindness to ourselves............to give care rather than take care. So next time you are going to take a nap - try saying I will give myself some rest!

Trusting the process takes Courage

I haven't been for awhile because I have been going through a process with my dog Boullie. He's been with me for 15 years and is truly a special dog - all who know him agree! Last week was a challenge for us both. He could barely lift his head and all the confusion about 'should I or shouldn't I' were huge in my mind. How will I know - is he in pain - when is the end??? A friend said, you just need to trust yourself - that you will know and the questions will be gone. Whew. More tears while holding his limp head and petting him ever so gently. Then I was reminded of the beginning of our journey together. I was in a situation where I was in the middle of the country traveling back west with just enough to get home and my car blew up. While waiting for several days - luckily at a friends - Boullie looked at me intently. I said, oh - you want to eat. He communicated that I was to sit and listen to him.  He communicated to me:  Mom, you need to learn to Trust the same way I trust that you will feed me. Whoa........did he let me know he was my teacher! So, I began a journey of trusting. Here at the end the lesson is clear again. I didn't sense it was his time and just sat with him quietly for another day. He has rallied again and is wagging his tail. I realized I was resisting the transitioning process. Many other factors were involved and yet the bottom line is Trusting the Process. I realize it is near and I am grateful for the tail wagging, wobbly walking time we have left together and have the courage to trust the timing.

                          He is back to his old:

                          'Please......another one.........mmmmmmm.........

                                  

Our 'Changing Colors'

  'Changing Colors'

When we see these colors in the mountains, we are in awe at the beauty. We say with delight, "The leaves have changed!" Just as there are many elements needed to bring about the change in the leaves, so it is true for us. I'm guessing the trees may not resist the way we do! I was just in Santa Fe and it seemed many inner shifts happened that were uncomfortable for me. Even though I know the change was necessary and brings a new season, I resisted the process. In reflection, it seems the pain came from my resistance. Yet as humans, does change require resistance? I'm not sure. Maybe it's our perception of resistance? Anyway, I am grateful for the eyes of a friend who could witness and encourage the changing in me and reflect the beauty. This gave me the courage to allow the elements of life to do their work. Now, the leaves can fall.

'Garlic Heart'

'Garlic Heart'

In listening to some of Byron Katie's work, I was reminded of how peoples 'Opinions' become stinky to us because of what we attach to them. The beauty of someone expressing an HONEST opinion, even if it is different than our own, is really a gift! It's the honest you can focus on rather than the opinion. Their opinions do not have to have anything to do with our response!!! Whew. We can be grateful for their honesty and continue to choose our actions based on our integrity. Isn't that freeing? It was for me. In a situation that normally I would focus on the passive-aggressive statement (notice my judgement!) and how inappropriate it was, I was able to think to myself:  "I appreciate your expression of what you think and feel." What a relief. That freed me up to let them have their opinion and me to have my opinion without any discomfort of thinking I had to 'fix it' or 'fix them'.  I actually enjoyed the time rather than being inwardly upset by my interpretation and judgement. Opinions can be like the strong smell of garlic. If we resist them, they stink. Otherwise, we may hear those strong opinions and then look to find the heart in them.

A pile of rubble....

The thread I'm watching seems to be about allowing ourselves the 'feelings' that come up from situations in our lives. From trivial to humungous - doesn't seem to matter. Watching it in myself and all those around me, the gift of being with the feeling, totally embracing it and not judging it. Also, not to take our identity from the feeling alone and remembering that we are 'experiencing' the emotion while 'being' our essence. I get a glimpse that it is the whole experience of observer and observed that is the essence rather than one or the other. A little deep but fun to contemplate. A phrase that came up for a client was, "I allow myself to have this feeling and it is o.k. to feel this (while standing in front of her pile)." Sounds simple and yet the effect is so calming. It may seem 'stupid' to be upset by a pile of rubble, and yet we can honor that the rubble was the Ugly Gift that allowed that feeling to rise up to be experienced and released. Ahhh...to walk the path lightly! To be able to smile at ourselves when we go and sit on the rubble and pout!

Just Walking........

     

                                     ......and feeling grateful for some coolness and breeze today.

Layers...........

                                                                                                Mary Rosas 2009




Today is simple and yet not any more real than yesterday or tomorrow.  It's still a 'concept' not an experience - a 'thinking' rather than a knowing.  Seems like it really ends up only being our awareness of our consciousness (thinking mind) and body. The body and conscious can be 'quieted' or out of sensing mode with anesthesia and yet people report being aware of that body and personality as being separate from their experience of awareness.  Something to contemplate.........Layers.

The 'Boullie Body'

 Boullie 

"Treat you body like a pet", David Hawkins once said. As I lie in bed thinking about the little pains in my hip - then knee - then shoulder, I remembered this statement and chuckled. Then really laughed when I thought: this is my 'Boullie Body'! It is good to remember we are not our bodies but the awareness that we have a body. When we close our eyes and go into that amazing space, that is really closer to the essence of us. Our bodies give us the opportunity to express that essence and life in creative and exciting ways. It gives us so many ways to learn and grow - like each little pain being a portal when I focus my attention on it - a portal back to that essence. If you want to experience life to the fullest, treat your 'pet' well. Love it, feed it, walk it, brush it, attend to it, experience the joy of it, and spend time with it............ 

Then maybe you'll want to roll in the flowers too!

'Don't resist and don't cling'

                      
This phrase has been such a gift in my life. It is so simple and yet so profound. Looking at a flower in a vase, you can easily not want it to wilt and may not want them there because they do. Yet how much grace comes when we can watch the process, accept it, and see the beauty in each phase. I had this experience with my 'melt down' this week. I was grateful that so much more quickly I was able to embrace my humanness and say to myself, "I guess you really needed that tonight". Whew. My initial reaction was to resist the 'angst' by trying all the tools in my mental toolbox. Then when I opened my heart to the experience, I melted into it. Well, more like the deep frying experience then melting! After it was passing through, there was that 'clinging' of wanting to just stay in that space and not move through it naturally. Eventually, finding my center and acceptance and with the encouragement of friends, I was able to give it up. AHHHHH.........for great friends and support. Now that the largeness of the upset  is passed (not the circumstances), it's time to apply the 'Don't resist or cling' to thoughts that want to creep up around it. Refocusing on what is and embracing my experience keeps me in my center. It also keeps me very focused since it seems to be every other second I get that 'Golden Opportunity' to practice.

Two way street.........

Had a little 'aha' this morning on my walk. My belief had always been that if you don't love yourself, or don't forgive yourself, or stop judgement and criticism towards yourself that it wasn't possible to do it for anyone else. Sort of like a one way street. This morning I realized while listening to a lecture while walking, that the energy goes both ways. When you do truly love someone, or forgive them, or stop judgmental attitudes or criticisms towards them - you can then extend it for yourself also. Nice to contemplate, we can learn forgiveness both in practicing it towards ourselves and towards others. That doubles our opportunities!

Light hearts in darkness..........decompressing

I call this 'Light hearts in darkness'

Lots of challenging circumstances for so many of us. In response to my own situation, I started listening to some of David Hawkin's lectures again and was reminded of his concept of 'decompressing'. How upset, which is any emotional energy, is stirred by outside circumstances but not the cause of them. That energy is within us and is our lifetime of experiences and responses. The outward circumstances are almost like a gift we give ourselves to be able to release some of the old energies in little spurts and actually decompress so we don't explode. The key is remembering the energies are within us and not 'caused' by the outside circumstances.  When we focus on them as energy, we can handle it. Releasing any thoughts of 'why's' and 'what ifs', staying focused on the sensations. Can you handle a tight stomach? Yes. Can you handle wobbly knees? Yes. Staying focused on those sensations will begin to dissipate them. Imagine them escaping out of those 'Light hearts' in this picture I took inside a cave in Hawaii. He even says if you want to decompress more - ask for more! A little scary and yet I can testify that it works. I sense this practice has allowed peace to replace the angst. So, now I am in a situation to practice more! On to decompressing!

Some thoughts on fear.......

I was listening to some Krishnamurti and loved what he said about fear, "Fear is not present without time or thought". In relationship to time and fear, it is so embedded in either the concept of past or future. We've all heard it so many times and yet so many times it is good to remember. We have everything we need to deal with the moment and this moment only. The story I remember most often was one of Corrie Ten Boom. She had seen a baby that was dead when she was young and that night said: Daddy, promise you won't die. He wisely said he couldn't do that and that when the time came, she would have the Grace she needed. Corrie dear, like when we go on the train, I only give you the ticket when we are getting on because that is when you need it. That is how Grace is. It only comes when you need it and if you imagine things you fear, there is no Grace there and it seems impossible to deal with. So, don't imagine those fears and trust you will have Grace when you need it. Ahhhh, to remember to stay present. I do sense that is where Grace lives.

'little bird' getting help

It's been a week because I had a chance to spend some beautiful time with a friend. It was a gift in so many ways. Being with, being cared for, being listened to, being silly with lots of laughing and dancing, being 'in growth',  and mostly feeling loved. When thinking about what was so big in my heart today, I thought of this 'little bird' that I found hurt and stunned. I gently nursed him back to where he could fly away and a tear came to my eye. He had given me a chance to be kind and loving by coming to me with his little hurt. That's how I feel today, grateful for all the friends I have been able to be a 'little bird' for. By showing my hurt, they have come and I pray I have given them the chance for that beautiful little tear. Thank you friends for your care. It has always seemed easier for me to run and hide until it's 'fixed' so I can be there smiling and singing for you. I realized how afraid I was to show my hurt and fear. What a great lesson you have given me and how gracious you have been - and you all know who you are!

With love and humility...........may we all sing together again soon.

End of the monsoons........

On this mornings walk, I was feeling a sluggishness in my body and the air seemed thick and heavy like maple syrup going through my nostrils. Anxiety began as thoughts of what is wrong with me this morning, what's happening, what did I eat, or blah blah blah, you know the stream I speak of?  Well, I stepped back to observe my experience and realized that my interpretations and judgements were making the experience miserable and wondered what it could be like if I just 'felt' it. Amazing! The experience shifted from that heaviness to a lightness and then the experience of walking was what I noticed. The sluggishness was still there and yet the heaviness in my mind melted into the curiosity. Sometimes the end of a season can feel heavy and ominous and if we can step back and look through the eyes of curiosity, we can see the beauty.

On the concept of 'steps'! I have a very large project that seems overwhelming and the only way I have been able to deal with it is  -  this   -   now this   -   now this....... The 'end' is not what I can focus on outside of a very broad idea that is a bit fuzzy. I have infused that broad concept with a joyful 'feeling' - and that is kept alive with each step of gratitude as I move forward. In coaching, we call those baby steps! On to another baby step!!!

Gratitude for the sense of the 'familiar'.

This morning in my quiet time I realized how the joy that comes from feeling good about my personality, accomplishments or circumstances - is nice but so different than deeper joy. First of all, the good feeling dependent on 'something' is so vulnerable because the very thing that brought the joy can bring shame at another moment!  Funny how the deeper joy is more about the familiar sense we've had since we were little. One of my earliest memories that brought that deeper sense was from watching an ant climb up a blade of grass. I was laid in the lawn of my midwest home in the summer time and maybe even in diapers! I was totally mesmerized and can remember that moment or probably, more correctly, that sense of eternity that I am calling 'familiar'. Circumstances or personality didn't enter in because there was a sense of no time and no space. That's the same familiar sense we can get now too. It is 'always' and it is not vulnerable at all. Hard for me to put words to exactly and yet I trust that those of you who have experienced this - know exactly what I'm talking about. Gratitude for the familiar!

                                                                                   
Morning,
I watched a special on Michelangelo last night on PBS and felt so grateful for
our freedom to express our beliefs. He had to hide the meaning in his work and then burn all of his journals and sketches. It bolstered my hope in humanity - that we do evolve. I realize there is still many flaws in our nature and yet we are in process towards greater freedom. Let's focus on that evolution, feel grateful, and allow for our talents and gifts to be expressed freely and beautifully in the world!

Imagine this image in your mind's eye of a desert monsoon and you are in that rich flow. Feel each drop as a blessing in your life and express gratitude for all your experiences of being alive. Then let them run off and nourish the earth! The gratitude will remain with you throughout the day. Hugs....

September 2nd 2010
On my walk this morning, I saw a tree that had some 'problems'. I thought that tree is not judging itself for doing something wrong or feeling 'bad' about itself. It didn't struggle with what it didn't understand or if this was karmic retribution. It made me realize that as humans we are too quick to 'blame' ourselves or others for diseases or misfortunes rather than accepting and allowing life to just happen. Observing and experiencing  what is and then choosing the healthiest ways we know to deal with it. Taking responsibility doesn't mean taking the blame. It actually frees us from blame when we grasp it. Granted we may have evolved a bit higher than a tree with our cognitive abilities and yet they have always been great teachers for me and I am grateful this morning.

Welcome to my new Blog................
This blog is a way to share with one another. I look forward to  having a place where we can interact. There are lots of places to glean information and not so many where we can reflect together. Let's start with pondering our capacity for 'choice'. Today I was reminded to step back and look at a situation rather than thinking about where it would lead. That is soooo easy to do! It took a few deep breaths so I could be present with what was - not what would or could be. It allowed me to step back and see what choices I actually had for right now. That allowed me to take action and then continue on with the rest of the moments that would present themselves rather than get stuck on that situation. It comes up during the day when I am reminded and then once again - a breath - and refocus. Whew. Do you experience this? What works for you?