A pile of rubble....

The thread I'm watching seems to be about allowing ourselves the 'feelings' that come up from situations in our lives. From trivial to humungous - doesn't seem to matter. Watching it in myself and all those around me, the gift of being with the feeling, totally embracing it and not judging it. Also, not to take our identity from the feeling alone and remembering that we are 'experiencing' the emotion while 'being' our essence. I get a glimpse that it is the whole experience of observer and observed that is the essence rather than one or the other. A little deep but fun to contemplate. A phrase that came up for a client was, "I allow myself to have this feeling and it is o.k. to feel this (while standing in front of her pile)." Sounds simple and yet the effect is so calming. It may seem 'stupid' to be upset by a pile of rubble, and yet we can honor that the rubble was the Ugly Gift that allowed that feeling to rise up to be experienced and released. Ahhh...to walk the path lightly! To be able to smile at ourselves when we go and sit on the rubble and pout!

Just Walking........

     

                                     ......and feeling grateful for some coolness and breeze today.

Layers...........

                                                                                                Mary Rosas 2009




Today is simple and yet not any more real than yesterday or tomorrow.  It's still a 'concept' not an experience - a 'thinking' rather than a knowing.  Seems like it really ends up only being our awareness of our consciousness (thinking mind) and body. The body and conscious can be 'quieted' or out of sensing mode with anesthesia and yet people report being aware of that body and personality as being separate from their experience of awareness.  Something to contemplate.........Layers.

The 'Boullie Body'

 Boullie 

"Treat you body like a pet", David Hawkins once said. As I lie in bed thinking about the little pains in my hip - then knee - then shoulder, I remembered this statement and chuckled. Then really laughed when I thought: this is my 'Boullie Body'! It is good to remember we are not our bodies but the awareness that we have a body. When we close our eyes and go into that amazing space, that is really closer to the essence of us. Our bodies give us the opportunity to express that essence and life in creative and exciting ways. It gives us so many ways to learn and grow - like each little pain being a portal when I focus my attention on it - a portal back to that essence. If you want to experience life to the fullest, treat your 'pet' well. Love it, feed it, walk it, brush it, attend to it, experience the joy of it, and spend time with it............ 

Then maybe you'll want to roll in the flowers too!

'Don't resist and don't cling'

                      
This phrase has been such a gift in my life. It is so simple and yet so profound. Looking at a flower in a vase, you can easily not want it to wilt and may not want them there because they do. Yet how much grace comes when we can watch the process, accept it, and see the beauty in each phase. I had this experience with my 'melt down' this week. I was grateful that so much more quickly I was able to embrace my humanness and say to myself, "I guess you really needed that tonight". Whew. My initial reaction was to resist the 'angst' by trying all the tools in my mental toolbox. Then when I opened my heart to the experience, I melted into it. Well, more like the deep frying experience then melting! After it was passing through, there was that 'clinging' of wanting to just stay in that space and not move through it naturally. Eventually, finding my center and acceptance and with the encouragement of friends, I was able to give it up. AHHHHH.........for great friends and support. Now that the largeness of the upset  is passed (not the circumstances), it's time to apply the 'Don't resist or cling' to thoughts that want to creep up around it. Refocusing on what is and embracing my experience keeps me in my center. It also keeps me very focused since it seems to be every other second I get that 'Golden Opportunity' to practice.

Two way street.........

Had a little 'aha' this morning on my walk. My belief had always been that if you don't love yourself, or don't forgive yourself, or stop judgement and criticism towards yourself that it wasn't possible to do it for anyone else. Sort of like a one way street. This morning I realized while listening to a lecture while walking, that the energy goes both ways. When you do truly love someone, or forgive them, or stop judgmental attitudes or criticisms towards them - you can then extend it for yourself also. Nice to contemplate, we can learn forgiveness both in practicing it towards ourselves and towards others. That doubles our opportunities!

Light hearts in darkness..........decompressing

I call this 'Light hearts in darkness'

Lots of challenging circumstances for so many of us. In response to my own situation, I started listening to some of David Hawkin's lectures again and was reminded of his concept of 'decompressing'. How upset, which is any emotional energy, is stirred by outside circumstances but not the cause of them. That energy is within us and is our lifetime of experiences and responses. The outward circumstances are almost like a gift we give ourselves to be able to release some of the old energies in little spurts and actually decompress so we don't explode. The key is remembering the energies are within us and not 'caused' by the outside circumstances.  When we focus on them as energy, we can handle it. Releasing any thoughts of 'why's' and 'what ifs', staying focused on the sensations. Can you handle a tight stomach? Yes. Can you handle wobbly knees? Yes. Staying focused on those sensations will begin to dissipate them. Imagine them escaping out of those 'Light hearts' in this picture I took inside a cave in Hawaii. He even says if you want to decompress more - ask for more! A little scary and yet I can testify that it works. I sense this practice has allowed peace to replace the angst. So, now I am in a situation to practice more! On to decompressing!

Some thoughts on fear.......

I was listening to some Krishnamurti and loved what he said about fear, "Fear is not present without time or thought". In relationship to time and fear, it is so embedded in either the concept of past or future. We've all heard it so many times and yet so many times it is good to remember. We have everything we need to deal with the moment and this moment only. The story I remember most often was one of Corrie Ten Boom. She had seen a baby that was dead when she was young and that night said: Daddy, promise you won't die. He wisely said he couldn't do that and that when the time came, she would have the Grace she needed. Corrie dear, like when we go on the train, I only give you the ticket when we are getting on because that is when you need it. That is how Grace is. It only comes when you need it and if you imagine things you fear, there is no Grace there and it seems impossible to deal with. So, don't imagine those fears and trust you will have Grace when you need it. Ahhhh, to remember to stay present. I do sense that is where Grace lives.

'little bird' getting help

It's been a week because I had a chance to spend some beautiful time with a friend. It was a gift in so many ways. Being with, being cared for, being listened to, being silly with lots of laughing and dancing, being 'in growth',  and mostly feeling loved. When thinking about what was so big in my heart today, I thought of this 'little bird' that I found hurt and stunned. I gently nursed him back to where he could fly away and a tear came to my eye. He had given me a chance to be kind and loving by coming to me with his little hurt. That's how I feel today, grateful for all the friends I have been able to be a 'little bird' for. By showing my hurt, they have come and I pray I have given them the chance for that beautiful little tear. Thank you friends for your care. It has always seemed easier for me to run and hide until it's 'fixed' so I can be there smiling and singing for you. I realized how afraid I was to show my hurt and fear. What a great lesson you have given me and how gracious you have been - and you all know who you are!

With love and humility...........may we all sing together again soon.

End of the monsoons........

On this mornings walk, I was feeling a sluggishness in my body and the air seemed thick and heavy like maple syrup going through my nostrils. Anxiety began as thoughts of what is wrong with me this morning, what's happening, what did I eat, or blah blah blah, you know the stream I speak of?  Well, I stepped back to observe my experience and realized that my interpretations and judgements were making the experience miserable and wondered what it could be like if I just 'felt' it. Amazing! The experience shifted from that heaviness to a lightness and then the experience of walking was what I noticed. The sluggishness was still there and yet the heaviness in my mind melted into the curiosity. Sometimes the end of a season can feel heavy and ominous and if we can step back and look through the eyes of curiosity, we can see the beauty.

On the concept of 'steps'! I have a very large project that seems overwhelming and the only way I have been able to deal with it is  -  this   -   now this   -   now this....... The 'end' is not what I can focus on outside of a very broad idea that is a bit fuzzy. I have infused that broad concept with a joyful 'feeling' - and that is kept alive with each step of gratitude as I move forward. In coaching, we call those baby steps! On to another baby step!!!

Gratitude for the sense of the 'familiar'.

This morning in my quiet time I realized how the joy that comes from feeling good about my personality, accomplishments or circumstances - is nice but so different than deeper joy. First of all, the good feeling dependent on 'something' is so vulnerable because the very thing that brought the joy can bring shame at another moment!  Funny how the deeper joy is more about the familiar sense we've had since we were little. One of my earliest memories that brought that deeper sense was from watching an ant climb up a blade of grass. I was laid in the lawn of my midwest home in the summer time and maybe even in diapers! I was totally mesmerized and can remember that moment or probably, more correctly, that sense of eternity that I am calling 'familiar'. Circumstances or personality didn't enter in because there was a sense of no time and no space. That's the same familiar sense we can get now too. It is 'always' and it is not vulnerable at all. Hard for me to put words to exactly and yet I trust that those of you who have experienced this - know exactly what I'm talking about. Gratitude for the familiar!

                                                                                   
Morning,
I watched a special on Michelangelo last night on PBS and felt so grateful for
our freedom to express our beliefs. He had to hide the meaning in his work and then burn all of his journals and sketches. It bolstered my hope in humanity - that we do evolve. I realize there is still many flaws in our nature and yet we are in process towards greater freedom. Let's focus on that evolution, feel grateful, and allow for our talents and gifts to be expressed freely and beautifully in the world!

Imagine this image in your mind's eye of a desert monsoon and you are in that rich flow. Feel each drop as a blessing in your life and express gratitude for all your experiences of being alive. Then let them run off and nourish the earth! The gratitude will remain with you throughout the day. Hugs....

September 2nd 2010
On my walk this morning, I saw a tree that had some 'problems'. I thought that tree is not judging itself for doing something wrong or feeling 'bad' about itself. It didn't struggle with what it didn't understand or if this was karmic retribution. It made me realize that as humans we are too quick to 'blame' ourselves or others for diseases or misfortunes rather than accepting and allowing life to just happen. Observing and experiencing  what is and then choosing the healthiest ways we know to deal with it. Taking responsibility doesn't mean taking the blame. It actually frees us from blame when we grasp it. Granted we may have evolved a bit higher than a tree with our cognitive abilities and yet they have always been great teachers for me and I am grateful this morning.