That which is real never fades.

'What's Reality'        

                                                    Mary Rosas/2009

It is a windy and blustery day here in the desert. The mood of the day fits my inner experience with Boullie. He seems to walk between two worlds. Sometimes with me and then sometimes he seems to have already walked through that door and gazes into other worlds. Tears well up when I sense he won't be here to nudge me in the loving way that he does and then in the next gust I freely let him go. What a path we have walked together. Those who know us, can't imagine us without each other and at certain moments, nor can I. Yet for this day, the winds of time haven't blown the door shut and I can still reach out and touch him with a grateful heart. May we remember to rejoice with each gentle breeze and remain open through each gust knowing that all forms will pass while that which is real never fades.

     

Enlivening Our State of Being (Part 6)

This is an amazing process that Michael Brown shares. (This is the last of a series of 6 and you may want to go back to the first one.)

I sense for me it is the invitation to move from 'Doing' into 'Being' with more consciousness and consistency. The last 15 years in the desert have been quite a journey of challenges and joy. He is a master with words and playful too in bringing experience that is without words - into words. I'm grateful for this man, his journey, his openness, and his gift of sharing.

As you may know from previous blogs, Boullie (my loving dog friend) is at the last days/weeks. Amazing we have been on this journey for 15 years! Being reminded by Michael and his Presence Process, I have found the way to the beauty of not knowing what to do. Now I can 'real-eyes' with the eyes of my heart and 'BE' with Boullie during this time. I can relax knowing that I can't figure it out, I'm confused about what I 'should' do, and recognize (re-cognize) that these thoughts are all mental chatter to take me from the heartfelt experience of just being with such a dear spirit. I have to go attend to him now...........feeling all the love and sadness of this time is the magic of Life for me today.......... Whew.

'Giving Care' rather than 'Taking Care'

Pretty big calf isn't it! I guess we never get too big to want to be cared for. Truth is, when we get old enough we need to learn to find ways to care for ourselves. Some of us start much earlier than others for conditions beyond our control. When we have independent natures, we can add some anger and we have,  "I WILL take care of myself." This week in a quiet time, I was contemplating the concept of the earth being our Mother and her taking care of us. The image of a large figure made of sand that came up from the bed of a creek was coming to my mind's eye wanting to hold me. I quickly felt an inner resistance and the thought came, "I have to take care of myself".   She slowly sat down in cross legged fashion with a beautiful smile and said,  "I'm not taking care of you - I'm giving care to you and you would be wise to learn to  GIVE care to yourself rather than the way of saying that you will TAKE care of yourself. Can you feel the difference?" I pondered the idea for a minute and began to have those gentle tears of gratitude that come from seeing and experiencing things differently - "I will give care to myself".  Just saying GIVE instead of TAKE.  How gentle it sounded, how loving. Yes, I will learn to give care to myself rather than take care of myself!

What a beautiful way of caring for others too - to give care to them rather than the burden of 'taking' care of them. Once again, Boullie is still here and I am needing to give him more care at this time - what an honor and gift! May we transfer this kindness to ourselves............to give care rather than take care. So next time you are going to take a nap - try saying I will give myself some rest!

Trusting the process takes Courage

I haven't been for awhile because I have been going through a process with my dog Boullie. He's been with me for 15 years and is truly a special dog - all who know him agree! Last week was a challenge for us both. He could barely lift his head and all the confusion about 'should I or shouldn't I' were huge in my mind. How will I know - is he in pain - when is the end??? A friend said, you just need to trust yourself - that you will know and the questions will be gone. Whew. More tears while holding his limp head and petting him ever so gently. Then I was reminded of the beginning of our journey together. I was in a situation where I was in the middle of the country traveling back west with just enough to get home and my car blew up. While waiting for several days - luckily at a friends - Boullie looked at me intently. I said, oh - you want to eat. He communicated that I was to sit and listen to him.  He communicated to me:  Mom, you need to learn to Trust the same way I trust that you will feed me. Whoa........did he let me know he was my teacher! So, I began a journey of trusting. Here at the end the lesson is clear again. I didn't sense it was his time and just sat with him quietly for another day. He has rallied again and is wagging his tail. I realized I was resisting the transitioning process. Many other factors were involved and yet the bottom line is Trusting the Process. I realize it is near and I am grateful for the tail wagging, wobbly walking time we have left together and have the courage to trust the timing.

                          He is back to his old:

                          'Please......another one.........mmmmmmm.........

                                  

Our 'Changing Colors'

  'Changing Colors'

When we see these colors in the mountains, we are in awe at the beauty. We say with delight, "The leaves have changed!" Just as there are many elements needed to bring about the change in the leaves, so it is true for us. I'm guessing the trees may not resist the way we do! I was just in Santa Fe and it seemed many inner shifts happened that were uncomfortable for me. Even though I know the change was necessary and brings a new season, I resisted the process. In reflection, it seems the pain came from my resistance. Yet as humans, does change require resistance? I'm not sure. Maybe it's our perception of resistance? Anyway, I am grateful for the eyes of a friend who could witness and encourage the changing in me and reflect the beauty. This gave me the courage to allow the elements of life to do their work. Now, the leaves can fall.

'Garlic Heart'

'Garlic Heart'

In listening to some of Byron Katie's work, I was reminded of how peoples 'Opinions' become stinky to us because of what we attach to them. The beauty of someone expressing an HONEST opinion, even if it is different than our own, is really a gift! It's the honest you can focus on rather than the opinion. Their opinions do not have to have anything to do with our response!!! Whew. We can be grateful for their honesty and continue to choose our actions based on our integrity. Isn't that freeing? It was for me. In a situation that normally I would focus on the passive-aggressive statement (notice my judgement!) and how inappropriate it was, I was able to think to myself:  "I appreciate your expression of what you think and feel." What a relief. That freed me up to let them have their opinion and me to have my opinion without any discomfort of thinking I had to 'fix it' or 'fix them'.  I actually enjoyed the time rather than being inwardly upset by my interpretation and judgement. Opinions can be like the strong smell of garlic. If we resist them, they stink. Otherwise, we may hear those strong opinions and then look to find the heart in them.

A pile of rubble....

The thread I'm watching seems to be about allowing ourselves the 'feelings' that come up from situations in our lives. From trivial to humungous - doesn't seem to matter. Watching it in myself and all those around me, the gift of being with the feeling, totally embracing it and not judging it. Also, not to take our identity from the feeling alone and remembering that we are 'experiencing' the emotion while 'being' our essence. I get a glimpse that it is the whole experience of observer and observed that is the essence rather than one or the other. A little deep but fun to contemplate. A phrase that came up for a client was, "I allow myself to have this feeling and it is o.k. to feel this (while standing in front of her pile)." Sounds simple and yet the effect is so calming. It may seem 'stupid' to be upset by a pile of rubble, and yet we can honor that the rubble was the Ugly Gift that allowed that feeling to rise up to be experienced and released. Ahhh...to walk the path lightly! To be able to smile at ourselves when we go and sit on the rubble and pout!