Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"The Collective"



Watching a show in the series of Star Trek Voyager called 'Unity' brought some fun insights. There were several scenes revealing the experience of being part of the Borg 'Collective'. All thoughts were heard, feelings felt, memories replayed, and experiences recalled as 'One'. I was impressed how this may not be as far from the truth as we imagine and began to do some inner exploring. Was I controlled by the 'collective'? Did I have a choice? Which 'self' had a choice? These played around in my mind. One concept I recently read in Dr. David Hawkin's latest little book had me curious about the way to escape the control of the collective. One concept that may apply is to not personalize the thoughts we have or even many of the feelings, not to get our 'juice' from these and to refocus our attention on the substrate where thinking takes place. Then to notice this is a place of quietness beyond that chatter and to identify with that. He differentiates by capitalizing 'Self' to indicate the larger substrate and, I'm guessing, the little 'self' or ego would be aligned with the collective. We do not 'leave' the collective as much as not identifying with it. 
I do love Star Trek! Bravo for inner explorations!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Love and a Fig



Hi again, It's been a long long time since I've been here. It has been a year of inner focus catapulted by Boullie's passing. I was pulled back by this beautiful heart fig that I picked this morning and I wanted to share my experience. The fig tree has been with me for many years. I have been eating figs, making fig smoothies, and picking figs again during this year's season. In the studio, I started to paint a fig for the first time and soon realized that I had never really looked at a 'fig'! Yesterday, I did. Wow, what an amazing form and so full of color. 

Isn't this true for how we view 'others'.  So often, we don't see them because we are focused on what they mean to us. For example, how will I eat this! Let's take the time to really perceive others for who they are and see their beauty and color. First step, seeing the beauty and color of ourselves without judgement. It is there if we look and feel without attaching 'meaning' about how we feel or even about what we think. Instead, just look, give your attention to, focus on, breath, allow this part of yourself to be expressed and felt with no judgement. Explore it more like a curiosity. You'll be surprised by what you see...........I was!


                                                               'First Time'      by Mary Rosas 2012

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Are art and music just entertainment?

 When you look at this pear, does it stir something in you? Is that feeling easy to put words to?  I have had many feelings arise and swim around since Boullie's death. Art and music have helped me find a way to be present with them. Are Music and Art - just entertainment? If not, what are they? I could not say it better than Karl Paulnack  has in this Welcome Address to the freshman. May the passage of time this year be full of joyful moments stirred by Art and Music.





Welcome address to freshman at Boston Conservatory, given by Karl Paulnack, pianist and director of music division at Boston Conservatory:
 
“One of my parents’ deepest fears, I suspect, is that society would not properly value me as a musician, that I wouldn’t be appreciated. I had very good grades in high school, I was good in science and math, and they imagined that as a doctor or a research chemist or an engineer, I might be more appreciated than I would be as a musician. I still remember my mother’s remark when I announced my decision to apply to music school―she said, “you’re WASTING your SAT scores.” On some level, I think, my parents were not sure themselves what the value of music was, what its purpose was. And they LOVED music, they listened to classical music all the time. They just weren’t really clear about its function. So let me talk about that a little bit, because we live in a society that puts music in the “arts and entertainment” section of the newspaper, and serious music, the kind your kids are about to engage in, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with entertainment, in fact it’s the opposite of entertainment. Let me talk a little bit about music, and how it works.
 
The first people to understand how music really works were the ancient Greeks. And this is going to fascinate you; the Greeks said that music and astronomy were two sides of the same coin. Astronomy was seen as the study of relationships between observable, permanent, external objects, and music was seen as the study of relationships between invisible, internal, hidden objects. Music has a way of finding the big, invisible moving pieces inside our hearts and souls and helping us figure out the position of things inside us. Let me give you some examples of how this works.
 
One of the most profound musical compositions of all time is the Quartet for the End of Time written by French composer Olivier Messiaen in 1940. Messiaen was 31 years old when France entered the war against Nazi Germany. He was captured by the Germans in June of 1940, sent across Germany in a cattle car and imprisoned in a concentration camp.
 
He was fortunate to find a sympathetic prison guard who gave him paper and a place to compose. There were three other musicians in the camp, a cellist, a violinist, and a clarinetist, and Messiaen wrote his quartet with these specific players in mind. It was performed in January 1941 for four thousand prisoners and guards in the prison camp. Today it is one of the most famous masterworks in the repertoire.
Given what we have since learned about life in the concentration camps, why would anyone in his right mind waste time and energy writing or playing music? There was barely enough energy on a good day to find food and water, to avoid a beating, to stay warm, to escape torture―why would anyone bother with music? And yet―from the camps, we have poetry, we have music, we have visual art; it wasn’t just this one fanatic Messiaen; many, many people created art. Why? Well, in a place where people are only focused on survival, on the bare necessities, the obvious conclusion is that art must be, somehow, essential for life. The camps were without money, without hope, without commerce, without recreation, without basic respect, but they were not without art. Art is part of survival; art is part of the human spirit, an unquenchable expression of who we are. Art is one of the ways in which we say, “I am alive, and my life has meaning.”
 
On September 12, 2001 I was a resident of Manhattan. That morning I reached a new understanding of my art and its relationship to the world. I sat down at the piano that morning at 10 AM to practice as was my daily routine; I did it by force of habit, without thinking about it. I lifted the cover on the keyboard, and opened my music, and put my hands on the keys and took my hands off the keys. And I sat there and thought, does this even matter? Isn’t this completely irrelevant? Playing the piano right now, given what happened in this city yesterday, seems silly, absurd, irreverent, pointless. Why am I here? What place has a musician in this moment in time? Who needs a piano player right now? I was completely lost.
 
And then I, along with the rest of New York, went through the journey of getting through that week. I did not play the piano that day, and in fact I contemplated briefly whether I would ever want to play the piano again. And then I observed how we got through the day.
At least in my neighborhood, we didn’t shoot hoops or play Scrabble. We didn’t play cards to pass the time, we didn’t watch TV, we didn’t shop, we most certainly did not go to the mall. The first organized activity that I saw in New York, that same day, was singing. People sang. People sang around fire houses, people sang “We Shall Overcome”. Lots of people sang America the Beautiful. The first organized public event that I remember was the Brahms Requiem, later that week, at Lincoln Center, with the New York Philharmonic. The first organized public expression of grief, our first communal response to that historic event, was a concert. That was the beginning of a sense that life might go on. The US Military secured the airspace, but recovery was led by the arts, and by music in particular, that very night.
 
From these two experiences, I have come to understand that music is not part of “arts and entertainment” as the newspaper section would have us believe. It’s not a luxury, a lavish thing that we fund from leftovers of our budgets, not a plaything or an amusement or a pass time. Music is a basic need of human survival. Music is one of the ways we make sense of our lives, one of the ways in which we express feelings when we have no words, a way for us to understand things with our hearts when we can’t with our minds.
 
Some of you may know Samuel Barber’s heartwrenchingly beautiful piece Adagio for Strings. If you don’t know it by that name, then some of you may know it as the background music which accompanied the Oliver Stone movie Platoon, a film about the Vietnam War. If you know that piece of music either way, you know it has the ability to crack your heart open like a walnut; it can make you cry over sadness you didn’t know you had. Music can slip beneath our conscious reality to get at what’s really going on inside us the way a good therapist does.
I bet that you have never been to a wedding where there was absolutely no music. There might have been only a little music, there might have been some really bad music, but I bet you there was some music. And something very predictable happens at weddings―people get all pent up with all kinds of emotions, and then there’s some musical moment where the action of the wedding stops and someone sings or plays the flute or something. And even if the music is lame, even if the quality isn’t good, predictably 30 or 40 percent of the people who are going to cry at a wedding cry a couple of moments after the music starts. Why? The Greeks. Music allows us to move around those big invisible pieces of ourselves and rearrange our insides so that we can express what we feel even when we can’t talk about it. Can you imagine watching Indiana Jones or Superman or Star Wars with the dialogue but no music? What is it about the music swelling up at just the right moment in ET so that all the softies in the audience start crying at exactly the same moment? I guarantee you if you showed the movie with the music stripped out, it wouldn’t happen that way. The Greeks: Music is the understanding of the relationship between invisible internal objects.
 
I’ll give you one more example, the story of the most important concert of my life. I must tell you I have played a little less than a thousand concerts in my life so far. I have played in places that I thought were important. I like playing in Carnegie Hall; I enjoyed playing in Paris; it made me very happy to please the critics in St. Petersburg. I have played for people I thought were important; music critics of major newspapers, foreign heads of state. The most important concert of my entire life took place in a nursing home in Fargo, ND, about 4 years ago.
I was playing with a very dear friend of mine who is a violinist. We began, as we often do, with Aaron Copland’s Sonata, which was written during World War II and dedicated to a young friend of Copland’s, a young pilot who was shot down during the war. Now we often talk to our audiences about the pieces we are going to play rather than providing them with written program notes. But in this case, because we began the concert with this piece, we decided to talk about the piece later in the program and to just come out and play the music without explanation.
 
Midway through the piece, an elderly man seated in a wheelchair near the front of the concert hall began to weep. This man, whom I later met, was clearly a soldier―even in his 70s, it was clear from his buzz-cut hair, square jaw and general demeanor that he had spent a good deal of his life in the military. I thought it a little bit odd that someone would be moved to tears by that particular movement of that particular piece, but it wasn’t the first time I’ve heard crying in a concert and we went on with the concert and finished the piece.
 
When we came out to play the next piece on the program, we decided to talk about both the first and second pieces, and we described the circumstances in which the Copland was written and mentioned its dedication to a downed pilot. The man in the front of the audience became so disturbed that he had to leave the auditorium. I honestly figured that we would not see him again, but he did come backstage afterwards, tears and all, to explain himself.
 
What he told us was this: “During World War II, I was a pilot, and I was in an aerial combat situation where one of my team’s planes was hit. I watched my friend bail out, and watched his parachute open, but the Japanese planes which had engaged us returned and machine gunned across the parachute chords so as to separate the parachute from the pilot, and I watched my friend drop away into the ocean, realizing that he was lost. I have not thought about this for many years, but during that first piece of music you played, this memory returned to me so vividly that it was as though I was reliving it. I didn’t understand why this was happening, why now, but then when you came out to explain that this piece of music was written to commemorate a lost pilot, it was a little more than I could handle. How does the music do that? How did it find those feelings and those memories in me?”
Remember the Greeks: music is the study of invisible relationships between internal objects. This concert in Fargo was the most important work I have ever done. For me to play for this old soldier and help him connect, somehow, with Aaron Copland, and to connect their memories of their lost friends, to help him remember and mourn his friend, this is my work. This is why music matters.
 
What follows is part of the talk I will give to this year’s freshman class when I welcome them a few days from now. The responsibility I will charge your sons and daughters with is this:
 
“If we were a medical school, and you were here as a med student practicing appendectomies, you’d take your work very seriously because you would imagine that some night at two AM someone is going to waltz into your emergency room and you’re going to have to save their life. Well, my friends, someday at 8 PM someone is going to walk into your concert hall and bring you a mind that is confused, a heart that is overwhelmed, a soul that is weary. Whether they go out whole again will depend partly on how well you do your craft.
 
You’re not here to become an entertainer, and you don’t have to sell yourself. The truth is you don’t have anything to sell; being a musician isn’t about dispensing a product, like selling used Chevies. I’m not an entertainer; I’m a lot closer to a paramedic, a firefighter, a rescue worker. You’re here to become a sort of therapist for the human soul, a spiritual version of a chiropractor, physical therapist, someone who works with our insides to see if they get things to line up, to see if we can come into harmony with ourselves and be healthy and happy and well.
 
Frankly, ladies and gentlemen, I expect you not only to master music; I expect you to save the planet. If there is a future wave of wellness on this planet, of harmony, of peace, of an end to war, of mutual understanding, of equality, of fairness, I don’t expect it will come from a government, a military force or a corporation. I no longer even expect it to come from the religions of the world, which together seem to have brought us as much war as they have peace. If there is a future of peace for humankind, if there is to be an understanding of how these invisible, internal things should fit together, I expect it will come from the artists, because that’s what we do. As in the concentration camp and the evening of 9/11, the artists are the ones who might be able to help us with our internal, invisible lives.”
 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Boullie transitioned on 12/9/2010 and wanted to say this:



                                       Letter from Boullie.......'Trust Love'


I'll just get right to it. The most important thing is to 'Trust Love'. The Love, with a capital 'L' and not the small 'l'. When mom was walking and listening to what I wanted to share with her and all of you, she was focusing on my body being gone and wondered what I meant with this 'Trust Love'. I wanted everyone to know that Love is absolutely everywhere,  everything, and everyone. Even more than the air or breathing because that is in form. There can be a vacuum created without air and yet Love is in that space. Just imagine it can never 'not' be present in you or around you. Pause a moment and contemplate the bliss and safety that comes with knowing that. Love permeates all.

Love is more than an emotion or a memory/experience of any person, pet, place or thing. Forms and experiences may be 'keys' to help you become aware of Love and that's what I was for mom and mom was for me. We are grateful for our keys!  Love is not easily put into words because it is not form yet is reflected in form. It is more like a vibration. Love with the small 'l' is an action or emotion you can choose that reflects Love with the big 'L'. Yet it is a reflection like the image in the mirror. The magic of Love is that it takes many forms in that mirror since it is essence and therefore not limited to form.

Doubt is the opposite of Trust. I played with the letters and showed her the words, 'do' and 'but'. An indicator of doubt is when you hear yourself say: BUT what do I have to DO? Know that you do not have to DO anything. Love IS - just BE. Trust Love and you will laugh, be open, vulnerable, and life will flow with ease.  L-O-V-E.  You can be open and vulnerable when you Trust Love. Allowing a joy and playfulness that does not come from doing or surviving. That doesn't mean don't DO anything! It actually embraces doing everything with the awareness of Love making it blissful. Even every simple thing becomes an experience of bliss and joy not to be confused with happiness or easiness. The 'ease' is not about easy or hard and IS about flow. Moving, evolving, and vibrant. There is no judgement or conditions in Love so when you doubt, you might lovingly say to yourself, "Oh, there I go again", and move back into Trust.

O.K. that's the gist of it. You were all keys for me and I appreciate each and every one of you. We all have had our special little moments.

In Love always, Boullie

Some pics mom wanted to put on here and a little story:

Little story of Boullie's transition: A moment after Boullie transitioned, all the dogs in a 360 radius howled for a minute or so. Pretty amazing for an amazing spirit. We were blessed to have him.


                              SOME FIRST PICS - WAS I CUTE OR WHAT!!!!!!

 


 Last night and day-still peaceful 


          
 Here's my head to pet virtually as I humbly say, "Love to you"

'BOULLIE'   12/?/1995 - 12/9/2010







Monday, December 6, 2010

Words from Enzo.............and Boullie

Enzo is a wise dog:


Enzo is the dog who tells the story of his life and knows his next lifetime will be as a human. He longs to talk so he can communicate his wisdom. He is already ten years old when he was hit by a car and on the drive to the vet,Denny, his owner, is very concerned.  Enzo thinks about a young champion race car driver who died at 34 years of age and every one considered it to be an 'untimely death' but Enzo thinks to himself:  

"I know the truth and I will tell you. He died that day because his body had served it's purpose. His soul had done what it came to do, learned what it came to learn and then was free to leave. I know that if I had already accomplished what I had set out to accomplish here on earth, if I had already learned what I was meant to learn, I would have left the curb one second later than I had and I would have been killed instantly by that car. But I was not killed because I was not finished, I still had work to do."

Even though it is a challenging time to read this book while Boullie is at the end of his days,  it is also a comfort. This passage had me in tears of grace this morning contemplating Boullie's life. I have watched how he inspires people to remember and heal some of their own grief as he would lay his head on their knee while they cried. It is especially apparent now as they watch me go through this seemingly long process. I have heard of everyone's time with their losses of loved family members, both humans and animals. It has been touching and Boullie says, "I'm not quite done yet Mom, still a few more souls to touch." So, a few more souls to touch with his loving and wise spirit as I continue to be grateful to have him here for a little longer.

Boullie's Buddha nature shows here.......................

Sunday, November 28, 2010

That which is real never fades.

'What's Reality'        
                                                    Mary Rosas/2009

It is a windy and blustery day here in the desert. The mood of the day fits my inner experience with Boullie. He seems to walk between two worlds. Sometimes with me and then sometimes he seems to have already walked through that door and gazes into other worlds. Tears well up when I sense he won't be here to nudge me in the loving way that he does and then in the next gust I freely let him go. What a path we have walked together. Those who know us, can't imagine us without each other and at certain moments, nor can I. Yet for this day, the winds of time haven't blown the door shut and I can still reach out and touch him with a grateful heart. May we remember to rejoice with each gentle breeze and remain open through each gust knowing that all forms will pass while that which is real never fades.


     

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Enlivening Our State of Being (Part 6)


This is an amazing process that Michael Brown shares. (This is the last of a series of 6 and you may want to go back to the first one.)
I sense for me it is the invitation to move from 'Doing' into 'Being' with more consciousness and consistency. The last 15 years in the desert have been quite a journey of challenges and joy. He is a master with words and playful too in bringing experience that is without words - into words. I'm grateful for this man, his journey, his openness, and his gift of sharing.

As you may know from previous blogs, Boullie (my loving dog friend) is at the last days/weeks. Amazing we have been on this journey for 15 years! Being reminded by Michael and his Presence Process, I have found the way to the beauty of not knowing what to do. Now I can 'real-eyes' with the eyes of my heart and 'BE' with Boullie during this time. I can relax knowing that I can't figure it out, I'm confused about what I 'should' do, and recognize (re-cognize) that these thoughts are all mental chatter to take me from the heartfelt experience of just being with such a dear spirit. I have to go attend to him now...........feeling all the love and sadness of this time is the magic of Life for me today.......... Whew.